In the meantime…

Posted: January 23, 2016 in Uncategorized


Words.  Sometimes they flow freely, other times I’m at a loss.  The last few weeks leading up to the 2nd anniversary of Mikey’s passing have been a struggle.  I’ve felt  lost, irritable, consumed with thoughts about what life would be like if he were still here.  I’ve also struggled with what I was going to post when January 20 came around.

As God so graciously does, He’s put people in my life to encourage me, to look after me, and give me a different perspective on life. In 2007, after I had a miscarriage, so many friends at church came up to me to let me know that they too had experienced a loss like Mikey and I had gone through.  It didn’t make the pain go away in that moment, but it comforted me to know that they were ok, which reminded me, that I would be ok.  Now looking back over the past two years, I can say that God has again placed people in my path that have experienced  deep, traumatic loss and those friends are still standing, and praising God for the blessings that He has given them. Their focus is not on what is missing, but in what has been found by leaning on God when you couldn’t hold yourself up.

This past fall, I sold the home that Mikey and I had lived in since 2006. It was difficult to be there because he wasn’t. The constant reminder was too much for me. There was just something about that backdoor that I would look at hoping that one day he would walk through it again. I needed to let that go. So now Luke, Keri, and I are in my hometown of Kings Mountain, North Carolina. To me, Mikey was my home, not the house we lived in, so adjusting to our new life hasn’t been easy for me.  Since we’ve been here, finding a house has been more difficult than I had anticipated, but I do feel that this is where we need to be.  Just the other day, my mom reminded me that my children will be ok during this transition because no matter where we live I’m their home.  Now heaven is Mikey’s home and I feel so much comfort in knowing that one day we will all live in the same place again.

In the meantime, I will thank God for the blessings, for the comfort, for the strength, for His constant presence, and for the promises that He has given us. I’m thankful for the reminders that though I still don’t understand why all this happened, God has a plan and I will not lean on my own understanding but on God. We’re gonna be ok.

Proverbs 3:5-6

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.



Posted: February 5, 2015 in Uncategorized

When I was a little girl, I had a dream that when I grew up I would marry a wonderful man, have children, and then we would grow old together. Some people dream of fame or fortune but I just wanted a family and to be married to that person for the rest of my life. Part of the dream I had was taken from me. I did not choose it and I could not control it. Things did not work out as I had planned……

I’ve had three very vivid dreams about Mikey since he passed away. In my first dream, he was standing in front of me, his face looked beautiful as though he had been airbrushed with a golden glow. He told me that he was better now and that he wasn’t in any more pain. The dream seemed so real. I had the second dream this past May after I sold our Tahoe and got me a Tundra. In the dream Mikey was sitting on the drivers side and I was sitting in the truck with him. We were riding on a long country road with a clear blue sky and the sun shining brightly. The Alabama song ” Dixieland Delight” was blaring on the radio. He told me that he liked my new truck and that he was proud of me. Mikey also told me that he hoped I had a good week. It was so nice to see his face and hear his voice. My third dream was very simple. In my dream, Mikey gave me a great big bear hug. When I woke from my dream, I actually had the feeling that I had just been hugged in real life. It felt so warm. I just wish I had more of those dreams.

I do have a couple dreams that have come true. My children, Luke and Keri. Its not easy being a single mom but I would never trade them for the world. If you’ve been wondering what I’ve been doing this past year, well its been spending as much time as I can with my two beautiful blessings. They have helped me more than they will ever know, to get me through this very difficult chapter in my life. I’ve just focused on being the best mom I can. They did not ask for this to happen to them either and I don’t want them to lose me too. I want to continue to show them that life is not over and that we can have new dreams. We never forget the dreams we once had but as long as I can breath, I can still dream.

I’ve thought about posting on the blog for almost a year but it never seemed to be the right time. The most important things are the hardest to say. Some dreams you just have to let go of because what God has in store is so much better than what I could ever dream of. The only thing I have left to hold onto is God’s promise.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord Jeremiah 29:11-14

Memorial Hockey Game Tonight

Mikey Malone Memorial Hockey Tonight
A-game Sportsplex in Franklin, TN at 6:45 pm
Fireman vs. Police

Image  —  Posted: March 22, 2014 in Uncategorized

On Sunday night my nephew Hunter Speight and his girlfriend Kelsey Garner were killed in a tragic car accident.  Hunter and Kelsey were both in their early twenties. This happened just six weeks after we lost my husband, Mikey Malone. With such an unexpected event comes unexpected expenses.  I am asking all my friends and family that are able and led by God to donate to the special accounts that I have set up for the families of Hunter Speight and Kelsey Garner at First State Bank to help cover their burial expenses.  No parent should have to worry about how they are going to pay for their child’s funeral and burial. Please show your love and support for Hunter and Kelsey’s families in the same way you showed love for me during the loss of Mikey.  Because of you, such a great burden was lifted off of me and I truly thank you for that.

If you have any questions you can reach me at

contribution info: First State Bank 300 north creek blvd. goodlettsville, TN 37072 attn: Rhonda Mansfield 615-844-2644. you can stop by any First State Bank location and mention the Hunter Speight or Kelsey Garner Donation Acct. or you can mail your contribution to the above bank address to Rhonda Mansfield’s attention. Make sure to write Hunter or Kelsey’s name in the memo line on your check. Thank you!



The Next Chapter

Posted: March 5, 2014 in Uncategorized

On Monday, January 20th, my best friend and husband of 10 years went to be with the Lord, our Creator and Savior.  I’m not sad that he’s in Heaven and that he’s not longer in pain, I’m just sad because I miss him each and every day.  I’m realizing now that this is not a dream that I’m going to wake up from.  This is reality.  The dream, I realize, was thinking that we would grow old together.  There will never be another Mikey Malone.  

Through all the heartache that our family has been through since last July when Mikey was diagnosed with cancer, I want everyone to know that I have felt more blessed than I ever have.  Sometimes in life we tend to go through the motions.  Before Mikey was diagnosed, I felt like that and had prayed for a good change.  I truly thought that going through the fight against cancer would change our perspectives and wake us up to how precious life is.  I thought that out of all people, Mikey could beat this. At 3:15am, January 20th, I realized that was not God’s plan.  My perspective on life has changed dramatically and I’ve felt more emotions ( happy and sad) in the last eight months than I have in a very long time.  Why did something like this have to happen to wake me up?

I will love with urgency and not with haste.  I will hold my children more tightly and thank God everyday for the joy they bring me.  I will be thankful for what I do have and not dwell on what has been taken from me.  I will cling with all my strength to my God and the hope that life will still be filled with Joy and not with sorrow. I will be thankful for all the blessings that so many people have been to me. I have lost such an important person in my life but I have also gained so many wonderful friends and have felt loved beyond measure.  

Luke and Keri have been wonderful through all this.  Keri is my comforter in those moments that I’m sad.  She just knows that dad is gone.  With her being so young (2) she doesn’t seem to be experiencing the sadness that Luke (5) and I face at times. Luke gets me thinking with all the questions he asks.  He also makes me laugh just like his dad did.  Luke talks about Mikey a lot and misses him very much.  We talk about heaven and Luke said he would like to go there someday to see his dad.  We both don’t know why Mikey got cancer and why he wasn’t healed here on earth but one day it will be revealed.  

I’m am looking forward to the day that I will see Mikey again.  Until that day, I will make the most of my life not only for me but for my kiddos because they deserve that.  Luke and Keri are my motivation to get up and live life.  Life keeps moving forward and I want to be a part of it.  I will learn to love the skies I’m under.  God has a plan for us.  

Life does keep moving and unfortunately just because we lost Mikey 6 weeks ago does not mean that we are exempt from tragedies anymore.  Just this past Sunday night, we lost my nephew Hunter Speight and his girlfriend Kelsey Garner in a tragic car accident while they were heading home from a visit with Hunter’s mom and stepdad Kyle (Mikey’s eldest brother).  Hunter had worked for our landscaping company for almost a year.  I was so proud of him because he worked hard even on the coldest days this winter.  Not a lot of aunts get to spend time with their nephews but I had that opportunity and I’m so thankful that I did. Just a few weeks ago on Valentine’s Day, Hunter came in the house to say hi and check on me to see how I was doing.  We talked about life and what was next for him since we are selling the landscaping company this spring. We also talked about Mikey.  Every time I look out my kitchen window I imagine Hunter driving by in the landscape truck headed back from a long day’s work.  Hunter’s parents should be very proud of him too. He was there for us, helping us keep the business going while Mikey was sick and unable to work.  I don’t know what it feels like to lose a son but I can say that I know what it feels like to lose a person that you love unconditionally with all your heart.  Please pray that God will comfort Hunter’s family along with Kelsey’s family just as He has comforted me.  

Romans 8: 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written: “For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.” 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is Christ Jesus our Lord. 

Revelation 21:4 “He will wipe every tear from their eyes.  There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. ” 


Posted: January 17, 2014 in Uncategorized


On December 27th Mikey was admitted to the hospital because his ulcerative colitis (UC) had flared up.  He was depleted of fluids and very weak.  After a week’s stay at Vandy, he had improved enough to go home on January 1st.  Because of the prednisone he had to take to stop the inflammation from the UC though, extreme swelling began to occur in his stomach while Mikey was in the hospital.  We thought that after a few days at home and finishing up the prednisone the swelling go down but it didn’t.  

On January 5th, Mikey and I flew out to Phoenix, AZ to begin a month long treatment at the Scottsdale Dayspring Cancer Center.  This alternative treatment consisted of IV administered Vitamin C along with oral medications of vitamins, minerals, enzymes, and probiotics. There was also hyperthermia treatment along with organic juicing.  This treatment seemed like to right thing to do.  The problem we realized after being there a week, was the IV fluids that were being given to Mikey were adding to his already swollen stomach.  As a result, Mike had to have his stomach drained twice at the local Scottsdale hospital this past Sunday and Tuesday.  Although we had planned on staying in Scottsdale for a month for treatment, we decided Tuesday afternoon that it was best to come back home.  We flew a non-stop flight back to Nashville yesterday. Today we brought Mikey back to Vandy to get his stomach drained again.  The ER team was unable to drain the fluid tonight so 1st thing Friday morning the radiology team is going to drain the fluid on his stomach along with inserting a permanent catheter that will allow Mike to drain his stomach at home.  

Our trip to Arizona was by no means a waste of time though.  Mikey and I got to spend quality time together.  Scottsdale has some really good restaurants, so we got to enjoy going out for dinner every night.  We also had a few laughs watching “Anchorman 2” and enjoyed watching the inspiring movie “The Secret Life of Walter Mitty.” Though we were unavailable to really sight-see on our trip, we are very thankful that Mikey was able to eat-out and go to the movies. “Health brings a freedom very few realize until you don’t have it.”

I WANT to tell you that Mike is getting better, I WANT to tell you that his cancer is going away, I WANT to tell you that he’s going to pull through this, I WANT to tell you that I’m doing ok but I CAN’T.  

I DON’T WANT to tell you that we’re not sure how much longer Mikey will be here with us, I DON’T WANT to tell you that the cancer has spread into his liver which is what is causing the swelling, I DON’T WANT to tell you that my heart is breaking b/c I see the pain that Mikey is going through everyday and how his physical strength has faded.  I DON’T WANT to tell you I’m scared that I’m losing my husband.

I CAN tell you that we believe in a GOD that can perform miracles.  I CAN tell you that Mikey has had the best attitude through this whole experience.  I CAN tell you that we will get through this with courage because of our God. 

Cancer CAN’T cripple love, it CAN’T shatter hope, it CAN’T corrode faith, it CAN’T destroy peace, it CAN’T kill friendship, it CAN’T suppress memories, it CAN’T silence courage, it CAN’T invade the soul, it CAN’T steal eternal life, it CAN’T conquer the spirit. 

Psalm 91:14-16 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.  He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.  With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation. 

Please pray that God will RESTORE Mike’s body to function as He once created it to.  Please also pray for peace for our family that we will be able to accept whatever happens, and please pray that Mike feels the comfort of the Lord right beside him all day, everyday.  



Posted: December 27, 2013 in Uncategorized

Though you don’t hear from me a lot, we’re still here, living day by day.  Feeling so blessed to have each day, to have our wonderful friends, and our great family.  I still read every Facebook message, card, and text that is sent to us.  Sometimes I don’t reply because I’m so busy with life and sometimes I just don’t know what to say.  I’m really not that good with words.  Everyday has its highs and lows.  I will continue to hold on to those highs with all my strength.  I will not let go.

This last round of chemo that Mikey started after we got back from MDAnderson has proved to be very though on his body.  The chemo (GTX) has brought his ulcerative colitis out of remission which has resulted in Mike loosing more weight.  Of course this concerns me. Not only does he have to deal with the pain of the cancer but now he deals with the pain associated with the ulcerative colitis. As a result, Mikey has decided to stop the chemo treatment for now in order to build his body back up.  He will get another CT Scan on January 3rd to see how he is doing.

There are other alternative therapies that Mike is considering and once we decide what treatment is best for Mikey, we’ll update everyone. In the mean time, Mikey is eating a healthy diet and taking supplements to build his body back up from where the chemo depleted it.

Despite all that’s been going on, I still wanted to let everyone know that we feel extremely blessed and so loved.  The firefighters bowling benefit really showed us again how much our friends and family have our backs during these tough times.  It was really great to get to see everyone having a good time and getting to catch up with all our friends.  I also really appreciated how Mikey’s brothers and his dad came out to bowl together.  It seems like we’ve been able to spend a lot more time with Mike’s brothers and his dad and I know he really enjoys that time with them.  As we get older and our lives get busier, its so hard to make the time to get to together but our friends and family have made themselves available and we thank everyone for that.  I love spending time with everyone and I know Mikey does too.

From December 18-24 we were able to go to Disney World.  A special group of friends sent us on this fun family trip.  Mike’s brother, Patrick, his wife Shannon, and their 2 girls Madison and Morgan also got to come along with us.  They were such a big help on the trip and we really enjoyed spending time with them.  While we were there we got to go to the beach for a day too.  Everyone had a good time on the trip, especially Luke and Keri but of course we were so tired when we got back.  Mikey was such a trooper and despite how he was feeling, he never complained.  I even got sick one night while we were still in Florida and Mikey took care of me.  What a great husband!

BLESSINGS: The Disney trip, the bowling benefit, the benefit concert, the raffles, the meal train, the wonderful cards, the messages, the gifts, the donations, the visits, the t-shirts, the house cleanings, your time, and your love.

Cancer can either bring out the worst or the best in people.  I believe I have seen the best in all our friends and family.  Thank you for keeping you heads up and hoping that things will get better soon. I believe they will.  Mikey is by far the strongest person I’ve ever known.  I knew when I first met him that he was strong, of course because he was a Marine. Everyday he proves it over and over again.

Please continue to pray that Mikey will be healed and that when God leads us in a certain direction, that we will follow Him.

Be Joyful in Hope, Patient in Affliction, Faithful in Prayer.   Romans 12:12