When I was a little girl, I had a dream that when I grew up I would marry a wonderful man, have children, and then we would grow old together. Some people dream of fame or fortune but I just wanted a family and to be married to that person for the rest of my life. Part of the dream I had was taken from me. I did not choose it and I could not control it. Things did not work out as I had planned……
I’ve had three very vivid dreams about Mikey since he passed away. In my first dream, he was standing in front of me, his face looked beautiful as though he had been airbrushed with a golden glow. He told me that he was better now and that he wasn’t in any more pain. The dream seemed so real. I had the second dream this past May after I sold our Tahoe and got me a Tundra. In the dream Mikey was sitting on the drivers side and I was sitting in the truck with him. We were riding on a long country road with a clear blue sky and the sun shining brightly. The Alabama song ” Dixieland Delight” was blaring on the radio. He told me that he liked my new truck and that he was proud of me. Mikey also told me that he hoped I had a good week. It was so nice to see his face and hear his voice. My third dream was very simple. In my dream, Mikey gave me a great big bear hug. When I woke from my dream, I actually had the feeling that I had just been hugged in real life. It felt so warm. I just wish I had more of those dreams.
I do have a couple dreams that have come true. My children, Luke and Keri. Its not easy being a single mom but I would never trade them for the world. If you’ve been wondering what I’ve been doing this past year, well its been spending as much time as I can with my two beautiful blessings. They have helped me more than they will ever know, to get me through this very difficult chapter in my life. I’ve just focused on being the best mom I can. They did not ask for this to happen to them either and I don’t want them to lose me too. I want to continue to show them that life is not over and that we can have new dreams. We never forget the dreams we once had but as long as I can breath, I can still dream.
I’ve thought about posting on the blog for almost a year but it never seemed to be the right time. The most important things are the hardest to say. Some dreams you just have to let go of because what God has in store is so much better than what I could ever dream of. The only thing I have left to hold onto is God’s promise.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord Jeremiah 29:11-14